Disclamier: Tenchi Muyou and all it's various characters, continuities and
carrot crunchers are all owned by AIC and Pioneer LDC as matter of
contract... by about a dozen different writers and artists as matter of
creative propriety... and to all the numersous fans as a matter of love and
devotion. Just giving credit where credit is due folks.

All comments and critism's welcome, natch... could use a bit of help here.
I've been told the pacing for the first quarter of it is off... any and all
help appreciated.

    The Bishonen Muyou Project Welcomes You To...

The demon had finally gone limp.

Only the sound of labored breath, and the crackle hiss of an energy sword
dared break the terrible silence. The young woman was afraid to move, even
though her arms felt like they were about to fall off. Fully extended, both
hands gripped a wooden handle, her knuckles, a rather ashen white. Three
gems, newly arrived, sparkled on the weapons pommel, and where the hilt
ended, the fierce blue amber shard of light continued to hiss and pop,
angrily.

And on the tip of the blade... the demon lay motionless, suspended in mid
air by the blue shaft of power, piercing his throat and currently burning
it's merry way through. The creature was almost, weightless... as if it
didn't really exist at all. The metallic taste of blood on her lips said
otherwise though.

Her arms hurt, her ribs hurt, her dna hurt... and don't even get her started
on her ribo nucleic acid!

Why is it when the powers that be ask you to do such things, they always
forget to mention the pain. Sure, you knew when you took the assignment that
it was going to be risky. Life on the line, only yourself standing between
the forces of darkness and the extinguishing of all existence as you know
it. They always seem to fail to add in, "Oh, and afterwards, you're going
to feel like someone ran you over with an intergalactic ballistic rodent."

Come to think of it... that's almost exactly what happ-

"No..."

...oh... damn...

"Not this easy, not by a longshot!" Green eyes suddenly opened, affixing the
young woman with their cool, ruthless contempt for life in general and her's
in specific. Then, slowly, as though every movement was agony... the
creature grabbed a hold of the energy beam itself, and began to scream.

The demon's gloves burst into greenish flames on contact, searing,
melting... evaporating. Howling as white gauntlets gave way to tender flesh,
already meat on the grill, he pulled himself forward, inch by awful inch.
Growing in power as though the creature's skin were fuel, the blue gave way
to white, as he slid down toward the hilt... toward her.

"Oh god, please stop! Stop it right now!" The young woman's nostrils filled
with an odd mix of sulphur and ozone, and she could feel his presence
looming into her personal space.

Skeletal hands, still steaming reached forward, touched fabric and then
began to pull the young woman's shoulder into two differing directions...
there was the sound of something ripping... and the girl screamed...

Seven hundred years or so later....

    A Mad, Bad, Bishonen Lad Production...

        Bishonen Muyo: Ken-Ohki! OAV #1

            Kagato Resurrected!

Another young woman was on an adventure of her own, though having a better
time of it. The girl was currently deep within the bowels of an infamous
cave, searching for a legendary monster that had defined her families'
mythology. In her right hand was a set of rusty keys, stolen on a rebellious
whim in a last ditch effort to salvage an otherwise miserable summer
vacation spent shrine shellacking and lecture listening.

In her other hand she held tightly to a hunk of wood with a trio of gems
embedded in it's lower half. To the right fedora clad archeologist, it would
have been worth a good boulder chase followed by pygmies armed with poison
tipped Uzi's. To her, it was currently a phenomenal waste of time.

Her name was Tenchi Misaki, one of those odd little names that actually
meant something, as behooved a shrine maiden in training and apparently
indentured servant to her grandmother. Ten... Chi... Heaven and Earth. It
was all terribly noble and terribly spiritual and... well... terribly weird.

It was the sort of thing you got used to though. Predictably, some of her
classmates had laughed, claiming that not only was it odd, but was actually
a BOY'S name. Humph, what did they know? Tenchi was too a girl's name. It
HAD to be, as it was her name, and she was most definitely a girl.

Course, she was a bit on the lean side, and sometimes had trouble proving
it. However, her body had finally started to make due on the promises of
adulthood. Maybe the mountain air was doing them some good. Regardless she
had decided she was going to have a chat with her mom.

This was the last summer she planned on wasting here. Grandmother Aeka would
have to look for her replacement elsewhere. It's not like Achika had taken
up the official blazer badge, bokken and banzai tree, right? So why should
Tenchi?

Still, it wouldn't do to let the summer go by without one final desperate
plunge into the ultimate of forbidden territory. Besides, something was
about to happen, she could FEEL it.

It was that feeling explorers got, just before new sea routes were
discovered to exotic lands with their exotic natives filled with exotic
viruses. Of course, it also tended to herald the odd screaming plummet as
unlucky sailors sailed off the edge of terra firma and straight into the
final frontier. Still, edge or VD, there could be no denying it... any
moment now, things would change, forever.

Prophets had been warning everyone for eons, and now, it was time for them
to look at everyone smugly and say, "See, I told you... swords, trees,
planet smashing rodents and phenomenal cosmic powers... but would you listen
to me? OOOooooh no!"

Yep, just a few more steps and she'd be there... wherever that happened to
be. She'd bask in the glow of newfound discoveries and declare with triumph,
"Hokay, which way out?"

Tenchi sighed, her knee's were getting sore, her clothes were a mess and it
for all the tingling in her spine, it'd probably turn out to be a few
fossilized yak bones arranged to look menacing.

Still, it had been better then nothing, and certainly a good deal more
rewarding then listening to another Aeka speech on the various necessities
to keeping one's goodies in check. Bah, she had just gotten the things, and
now she was supposed to keep them under wraps and constantly supervised? The
old girl was just jealous, as the seemingly mandatory mammary augmentation
that came with puberty had skimped her a wee bit.

Mother certainly didn't seem to have had the same problem, but their
lateness in coming had worried Tenchi as to which side of the family tree
her nuts heralded. Achika had tried to assure her regardless of their
appearance, saying that grandfather had always found grandmother quite
fetching. Then she'd mumble something about whips and dog collar and then
she'd be gone, her mind caught in some disturbing imagery from the past.

Tenchi had wisely never asked. Afterall, she had once almost caught HER
mother and father, doing the deed. If she hadn't knocked over the video
camera, sound system and light reflectors... who knows what sort of
permanent mental scarring she might have received.

Turning back to the matter at hand, Tenchi paused to examine the keys.

Humph; flat or not, the old broad had some amazing sensitivity in her nipply
area. It took every bit of skill the young girl possessed just to snag the
old keys from their hiding place, close to Aeka's heart. The slightest
mistake could have sent a wave of wakeful erectness in her grandmother,
ending both a night's adventure, and any chance of seeing anything but the
wrong end of a mop and bucket.

Afterall, this was taboo...

Tenchi paused to reflect on the first time she had looked down the long
corridor of darkness and stone that seemed to yawn its way to the very
depths of the Earth. "Grandma, what's down the hole? Past the locked gate...
and the booby traps... and the alarm that says 'protected by Viper, stand
back'?"

She had been a little slip of a girl, barely nine when she had interrupted
her grandmother's lecture on the dangers of doing something called... 'this
and that'.

Aeka had looked down at her youthful heir and sighed. "A genocidal madman
from outer space with delusions of sanity and enough raw natural power to
knock stars out of their orbit."

"Wha...?"

"Ahem, I mean a demon! A terrible rampaging monster that made all sorts of
rude comments about my figure... ahem... I mean about a certain saintly
princess' figure. She took a mighty weapon and cleaved the beast in two.
Afterwards she proclaimed proudly, 'nyah, nyah, whose the smarty now?' and
then buried him deep within this cave. She had some thoughts about having
the whole thing sealed over in concrete... and then lighting it on fire...
but never got around to it."

"Oh." The young girl had slowly digested it all, saving it for some rainy
therapist session when things got stale, then she had looked back up to the
matriarch with curious, loving eyes and said, "Grandma... why is grandfather
afraid of spurs?"

Shaking the memories from her head like root beer boozels stuck too deep in
the cranium, Tenchi glanced back down at the 'mighty weapon'. It was apon
pulling it out of it's hiding place that the tingles in her spine had
started their merry dance that even now pulled her further in. Ever since
then, she had repeatidly inspected it, hoping to find something...
anything... that might hint at it's true powers. It HAD to have some...
right?

The more unassuming, the more phenominally cosmic... right?

She was starting to feel abit stupid. It was unassuming alright, basically a
hunk of wood connected to a rusty blade of some sort. Even that was gone,
after she had whacked it against a rock... for purely scientific reasons of
course.

Granted, it was rather nicely carved, and the three crimson studs on its
pommel were kind of pretty.

They especially sparkled from that green glowing light ahead...

...

Wait a second....

Peering forward, she saw the cavern slope down suddenly, water funneling
down odd grooves in the floor, all the way down to some radiant opening.
Careful not to slip, as that was simply a moronic thing to do... she made
her way down to the lower depths. It was then that she saw what all the
luminescence was about...

"It's just a large... glowing light... no problem." Tenchi swallowed hard,
approaching carefully. Then, she paused, tapping the hilt to her head.
"Unless... it's nuclear. Then my hair would fall out... to say nothing of
the problems inherent in growing extra body parts."

She shook a fair number of deep black silky locks as she came to a rational
decision, and turned her back to the odd glow. "Hmmm, come to think of it,
puberty is confusing enough. To hell with it, I'll just give the keys back
to grandmother Aeka and..."

"OOoooooooohhhhh..."

"..."

"Oooooooooooohhhhh...."

"Nope... no good will come of this."

The moaning was originating from behind her. Now then, she was perfectly
sensible enough to realize that in such a situation, the LAST thing you do
is turn around. But the tingling was not so much dancing throughout her
backside as moshing. Besides, nothing amazing ever happens to sensible
people. Just look at her grandmother. She sure as hell wouldn't be down here
in the middle of the night.

No, she was most definitely NOT her grandmother! Steeling herself for
whatever the wild wonderful universe had in store for her, the young woman
turned around. The chamber walls seemed to shimmer green as emerald liquid
splashed about a small pool. Then she noticed the figure rise from it all,
neon fluid draining about it's form.

Something dark, glowing, and emaciated to the point of see-through skin,
looked down at itself and said, "Ooooohhhh... dear... I seem to be missing
some things. Fancy those not preserving. Excuse me, miss, you wouldn't
happen to have a robe handy, would you?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Not even a towel... or something...?" The thin male figure watched the
young woman scramble up the sloped entrance and far out of sight, screaming
the whole way. "Well... that was rather rude of her."

"Still," he paused to reflect, pulling a pair of mini shades from some
pocket dimension beyond our own and placing them on his nose.

"...she IS cute."

It was later. The keys had been slipped back to their rightful owner,
unnoticed whilst her grandmother had slumbered noisily. There had been some
heated mumbled reference that could have been... Devo-chan. But it was
doubtful, and if Aeka had had any flings with 80's techno musicians, it had
thus far eluded local gossip.

Tenchi was at school, vacation come and gone with little fuss and less
ceremony. Her only real souvenir of adventures almost had, a hunk of wood
encrusted with red orbs... was stuffed, unconsciously in her Ura backpack.
She fumbled around with her school bag, studiously ignoring the mighty
weaponry, trying not to think about naked, dripping, glowing, anemic men
with deep throaty voices that made you go all gooey and stupid.

"Tenchi!"

The nasal voice, like a drain being unclogged with phenomenal coherency
could only come from one person. Looking up, she confirmed her suspicions.
It was indeed Amagasaki. Tenchi was a bit wary of the large girl. It wasn't
that they had ever had any problems or anything. It's just, well, she didn't
really look like a girl. She looked more like some obese guy wearing a girl
costume in order to snag cheap peeks in the locker room.

It was the nose that tipped you off. Still, a friendly voice was a friendly
voice. "Hiyah Amagasaki."

"Soooo, what did you do on your vacation?"

"Oh, you know me... up in the hills, with grandma, cleaning shrines,
learning about that special time of the month for the hundredth time since
age
twelve. That and what to do to combat that not so fresh feeling."

"Awwww, didn't you even meet any boys?"

"Humph, if you were a boy, would you go off traipsing in the mountains,
picking up on shrine girls?" Tenchi sighed.

An odd sparkle lit Amagasaki's glasses, "Yes, certainly... there you'd be,
all hot and sweaty from mind numbing hours of prayers, kneeling, standing,
and kneeling again... wearing silk white robes, reflecting your unsullied
virtuous virginal body, just waiting for a youthful virile lad with dewy
eyes and great hair and pants bulging with...."

Tenchi sighed, knowing that if the train of naughty thoughts weren't
derailed, there was no telling where it would lead or what stops it would
make... if any. "AHEM... and would you risk my grandmother's wrath should
you get caught?"

Amagasaki paused, shivered and shook her head. "Hell no."

"Right, the only guys stupid enough to attempt to take advantage of Aeka's
grandbaby are naked, dripping, glowing, anemic men with deep, throaty voices
that make you go all gooey and stupid," Tenchi asserted, her mind drifting
on some rather torrid mental rapids.

Amagasaki blinked and cried, "TENCHI! Don't tell me you were so hard up, you
downloaded the new Bondage Enema-fantastic Doujinshi with a curious Krillian
and a naughty Piccolo exploring each others feminine sides, then used
something hard, long and vegetable to bring yourself to an impassioned
climax?!?"

Tenchi blinked, her internal raft plunging over the infinite tumbling falls
that was Amagasaki. "Ummmm, no... I don't recall even mentioning anything
remotely like that."

"Oh... oops, there's the bell... see ya Tenchi."

"See ya, " Tenchi waved, smiling. She waited till the girl was firmly out of
sight, though never far from mind, before continuing in a mutter...

"...freak."

Tenchi was dreaming, her mind off skittering the wild blue yonder that was
the infinite within ourselves. Her body was resting rather uncomfortably on
the roof of the school, a small rock digging in for the duration, something
she'd regret later. It was a favorite spot for the thoughtful; being up
here, you could get away from everyone for just a little while and just...
be.

And should reality finally go snap like the rubber joints of a G.I. Joe
wound far too tight, it could even double as a clock tower. 'Course, finding
armament was a pain. The bows and arrows they used for gym lacked a certain,
satisfying fully automatic flavor.

Ah well, it was good for napping... oh and thinking about naked, dripping,
glowing, anemic men with deep throaty voices that made you go all gooey and
stupid. Luckily, this fit the bill rather nicely.

Tenchi snoozed as lurid shapes drifted in and out of her subconscious... all
of them lit with a greenish glow. Through it all, the figure was there. He
stood, illuminated sometimes... others, drenched in shadows. The neon fluid
dripped at odd angles. Shriveled body, wrinkled skin, visible bones, missing
nether regions... yeah, a girl could really go for a guy like that.

"Alright, that's just sick."

"Who said that?" Tenchi cried, looking about.

"Behind you," the voice taunted.

Tenchi spun, but couldn't catch so much as a peripheral shift that hinted to
the newcomer's identity.

"No, no, BEHIND you... look, stop spinning like a top, it's me... the cat
thingy strapped to your backside," Ura grumbled.

"Can't be, backpacks don't talk."

"Look girlfriend, if you're going to assert reality every time it starts
getting a little weird, you're NEVER going to get through this," the furry
school book conveyance chided, shaking its mane. "Hokay, here's the deal,
you're dreaming... so I can talk; you can think of me as the left side of
your brain, pointing out the flaws in your current flights of
Harlequin-esque fancy."

"What do you mean?" Tenchi asked.

"What do I mean? You're two steps to the left of a wet dream with tall, dark
and anatomically incorrect over there... that's what I mean."

"Well," Tenchi thought about it... it did seem kind of ridiculous, even a
little sick. Next thing you know, she'd be using both computer and cumquat
to satisfy HER evil urges and... well, there had be something. "His voice,
now come on, that was damn sexy, right?"

"Have you ever looked at any male voice actors? Even the sexy sounding
ones?"

"Yeah, and some of them are quite handsome and..."

"Humph, how about the American VAs... huh?"

"Ick, well... now that you mention it." Tenchi bit her lower lip, thinking.

"Face it, Barry White and James Earl Jones have windpipes that say
chocolicious, but that's hardly the whole picture now is it?"

Tenchi sighed, "You're right, I guess I should just put it all out of my
head and... hey, you're dissappearing!"

"Is it first my body, then face, leaving only a smile?"

"Nope, it's sort of a full body, getting all kindsa see through, affair."

"Damn, that means you're waking up." Ura faded in and out a few times, but
was finally replaced by a whole lot of not being there.

Tenchi looked around. Everything was fading or melting, as dreams rarely do
anywhere except bad flashback sequences and run ins with Jerry Berry liquid
refreshment. Only the figure before her still seemed firm, round and fully
packed.

"It's a shame, I guess I'll never know who you really were. Heck, all the
times I heard the story, and I've never even learned you're name," Tenchi
sighed.

A voice reached into her dreamworld, shattering the few spinning fragments
that were left and plunged her face first into the chill of full-fledged
wakefulness.

"Ka-ga-to."

There was no mistaking it... it had most definitely been said in a deep
throaty way that made you feel all gooey and stupid.

Tenchi sprang to her feet, taking in the real world around her,
straightening her bearings. She was still on the roof, still in her uniform,
it was night and her shoulder was killing her. There was no tall, dark and
handsome stranger... naked, dripping, glowing and anemic or otherwise.
Reaching behind her, she plucked the fragment of stone from her uniform and
shook her head.

"Oh man, it's night! Achika's gonna murderize me!" That's it, she was
definitely going to limit her Amagasaki exposure. The boys found her weird
enough as is. Hmmm, something was amiss though... something beyond the
simple squirmy feelings left after a brush with pent up sexual fantasies ala
freaknic. Where was her backpack?

"I have to say, I find these satchels rather amusing. Tell me, exactly where
do you find the creatures for the slaughter? Are they simply bred for
cuteness and stomach capacity?"

Shivers lived la vida loca all up and down Tenchi's spine as she slowly
turned to face the voice.

He was neither naked, dripping, glowing nor anemic, but the voice was all
there. White gloves held her Ura, examining it closely, while adjusting a
pair of mini shades that seemed to have no actual wire frame for support.
Odd purple and green robes draped over his form, leaving little other than
his head exposed.

It was just as well, for it was the face that drew her eyes like moths on a
kamikaze mission for the sun. It was smooth, though somewhat angular, his
skin pale... with just a touch of purple hues. Long white hair scattered
about his visage, though carefully tied in the back. And his eyes, they were
simply a spectacular shade of green. If the shade hadn't extended from pupil
to lid, it might have not been so damn terrifying.

Even with those eyes, he was quite handsome... more so, he was beautiful.
The young man seemed to wear beauty, like a poisonous frog might wear red.

He gave her a thin lipped smile that seemed to imply that while amusing
things were happening, and it was all well and good to get lost in the
moment, any minute now... the devouring would begin. With a flick, he tossed
the backpack back to Tenchi and addressed her formally.

"Just so we don't have any unfortunate accidents, like with the
Splugorthians, you ARE Tenchi Masaki, correct?"

Catching the fuzzy missile had been a bit difficult, what with the lack of
strength left in her knees. Locking her two flailing joints together to keep
them from knocking, she carefully cleared her throat. "YES... ahem, yes...
that's me. I'm Tenchi." The sound of her own voice giving her a bit more
confidence, she added, "And what are splugorthians?"

"Extinct." The young man smiled, as though enjoying an altogether unkind
practical joke that only he knew about.

Wrong question, girl... brrrrrrrrr.... "Ah... okay. So, who are you?"

"I'm sorry, I thought I made myself clear. My name is Kagato." He paused,
seemingly waiting for some sort of impact. When it failed to set the very
Earth spinning, his brows furrowed a bit. "Odd, you don't seem to be any
more scared then before. I knew it, I was down there too long... I'm out of
practice."

"Oh, don't let it worry you. I assure you, I've lost all capacity for
rational thought."

Kagato smiled again, this time it almost seemed genuine. "You're a sweet
kid. Alright, let's continue... are you in fact the young woman who woke
me?"

"Yeah, that'd be me. That's a good thing, right? You know, three
wishes?You're my slave for life... you promise not to kill me, that sorta
thing, huh?"

"Well now, I don't recall saying anything of the sort. Besides, in all the
fairy tales I know, the summoner tends to be consumed by the summoned." He
flashed her a set of perfect teeth, white, well cared for... if it weren't
for the fangs, it'd do four out of five dentists proud.

There's just no pleasing that last one.

"But that's neither here nor there, for I happen to know that the only sort
of person capable of making an early withdrawal from that lifeless tomb is
the same sort that put me there in the first place." He folded his arms
across his chest and rubbed thoughtfully at his chin, "This is the sort of
thing that makes Djinns rampage, my dear."

"Whoa, whoa... you mean I might not live to not get asked out to the prom
just 'cause my ancestors didn't leave any 'Please do not rub, we really,
REALLY mean it' warning labels on the bottle?"

"Capable of sustaining a metaphor. I like that. And, to be honest, I'm not
really the sort to hold a grudge. I find it much simpler to kill first, and
let the other guy worry about whether his vengeance is served hot or cold."

"So... so, I'm okay, right?" Tenchi was starting to breath a bit easier now.
After all, it wasn't like he was some drooling, gibbering mass, and he was
polite, certainly a higher grade of monster. This was all turning less
Lovecraft and more Rice by the minute. Ben be willing, she might just walk
out of here alive...

"But...."

...damn!

"But, while I can't fault you for your predecessor's actions, I have to
admit to a certain amount of undue hostility. I mean, I was down there for a
really long time, nothing to do but think, peek, and vent." He held out a
single white glove, like an idol about to go pop, as he continued. "To be
honest, I do suffer from a slight rage disorder and..."

Tiny motes of light suddenly came into being, green... as though some
necromancer had recently animated the very grave of the fireflies. They
danced about a bit, humming and popping like electric wires on a hot summer
day, before accumulating into Kagato's outstretched hand.

"...I find if I don't deal, and deal quickly, I become even more violent in
hindsight."

The lights had formed into a massive ball now, one great glowing king of the
undead fireflies, shimmering in its terrible splendor. Kagato suddenly
brought his fingers together in a fist, squashing the laser Floyd from
ball... to... well... it kind of spread out... forming what looked to be
some sort of sword.

Kagato paused, and self consciously dug the point of the light blade into
the ground, where it sizzled and melted clean through. "Ummm, I don't want
what is about to happen to spoil our relationship, okay?"

Snapping out of the mesmerization with the pretty lights, and blinking at
the sudden switch in tactics, Tenchi coughed. "Huh?"

"Because, I really think we made some nice headway here."

"What are you talking about?" Tenchi asked, thoroughly bewildered.

"Well, you know, I was planning on blowing up the planet, but a thought has
occurred to me, being an oddity, it's gotten notice and I was sort of
wondering if... you know, afterwards... maybe... ARRRGGGhhhh... what am I
doing?" Kagato shook his head violently, furrowing brows, then suddenly
glaring at Tenchi, accusingly, "It's you... it has to be. You're doing
something to my higher brain functions, aren't you? This is some bizarre
feminine wile of yours and you're enjoying watching me squirm... "

Tenchi grabbed her head and tried to focus. Start slowly, that'll help.
"Look, I'm as confused as you are right now, but I promise, I'm not doing
anything to you. And I'm pretty sure, if I had any wiles, mom or grandma
would've had them surgically removed by now. That's a really... ahem, big
sword you have there, and you are kinda cute, in a Bela Legosi meets Tom
Cruise kinda way, but this is all a little much to take in at once."

The strange man stood there, absorbing, dissecting and then finally coming
to a decision.

"You are absolutely right. We are moving a bit fast, and as the man says,
business before pleasure. Thank you for getting my priorities straight."
Kagato smiled at her, the crackling energy sword reflecting in his
spectacles.

Tenchi gave up. "You're welcome." She smiled back at him.

They stood there for a moment, smiling at one another. The wind blew between
them, the sword hummed and popped.

Kagato lunged at her.

Tenchi finally stopped screaming; she had just run out of air. Kagato stood
inches away from her, slowly pulling back his sword from the crater he had
made on impact with the school roof. He looked at her, and for just a brief
second, she lost herself in deep green eyes.

Then, Kagato cleared his throat. "You... ah, were supposed to dodge a bit
more. Had I not adjusted, I'd be knee deep in your innards."

Sudden revulsion hit her and she tried unsuccessfully to stem the bile
before it made its presence quite clear, in sticky spats, coughing, she
cried, "You... you almost..."

"But I didn't, not that time anyway. Look, are you going to be okay with
this? I mean, we could do it some other time."

"Really?"

"Well, no, not really, I'm afraid I can't back that one up. Tell you what
though, I'll guide you through it a bit till you're in the groove as it
were. Dodge... NOW!"

With a great sweeping arc, five feet in length and five inches in width of
glowing devastation slashed empty air as Tenchi hit her knees and rolled.

"Very good... see? I bet you come out of this one without missing more than
a few rudimentary limbs. Duck!"

A hiss of ozone being evaporated punctuated the second strike.

"Nice reflexes; duck again!"

Tenchi scrambled to her feet and made a beeline for the janitor's closet,
ducking and dodging as directed.

"Okay, these are going to be a bit different, remember, you can't really
dodge energy blasts as they tend to travel at the speed of light, but you
can watch where I'm aiming and not be there... oh and that looking for cover
thing? Good call!"

Kagato raised his empty hand and allowed the tiny fragments of glow
accumulate again. This time, though, he didn't let the sphere get too big
before aiming it at her current location... he paused, as if waiting for
something.

Sensing the cue, Tenchi made a desperate leap to the shed, just nanoseconds
before Kagato 'let go' of the ball. It stretched as it flew, and were it not
for the after-image it left as it seared through the sky, you'd have hardly
known what had just caused the tremendous explosion. Tenchi coughed as
plaster and concrete dust out of her hair before attempting to run again.

"I don't like those!" she cried out.

"You get used to them. Honestly, the sword, being a contained, stabilized
energy field and only one dimension thick... is much more lethal. Course,
when you're dealing with flesh, I guess it doesn't really matter." Kagato
mused, "Oh, might want to mind that shed. I'm blowing up your cover."

Tenchi's eyes bulged as she heard the familiar hum and swish of gathering
doom... apparently, a good deal of it. Not risking a glance to determine his
aim, she simply dived as far away from the structure as possible.

Moments later, the air was heavy with dust and her ears were still ringing.
The shed however, was nowhere to be found.

"Feel free to attack me if you like. There's a pipe over there... "

"You mean hit you with it?"

"Sure, knock yourself... ahem, I mean, myself... out."

Rolling toward the dislodged weaponry, Tenchi made a few practice swings
with it in hand. Kagato stood there, smiling helpfully, and waited, his arms
at his side.

The young girl sighed, knowing what that meant. There is an unwritten rule
in these sorts of affairs: the less actively your opponent pursues his
defense, the less likely he needs it. Still, the young girl thought, it's
better then dodging.

Tenchi charged, easily sliding into one of the more lethal attack routines
grandmother Aeka had taught her.

Had the blow connected, the old bat would have probably been proud of her.
Somehow, her adversary had disappeared though she hadn't once let him wander
out of her sight... a rookie mistake. He reappeared suddenly behind her.
Several blazing flashes of laser later, he stepped back, waiting.

Tenchi noted that she was still a viable member of the living populace of
Japan, before looking at her makeshift weapon. It came apart in pieces, like
candle sticks on the set of an Errol Flynn movie. "Alright, now this is
absolutely unfair."

"You could try out-running me."

"Would it be worth it?" she asked skeptically.

"Never hurts to try. Stairs are over that way." Kagato gestured.

"Fine," Tenchi grumbled, getting into a starter position, "but no cutting me
down as I go."

"Wouldn't think of it. Well, there'd be thoughts... really, actually, more
like firmly devised plans, hell, it'd almost be habit. But in this case, I
promise to behave." Seemingly to seal the deal, Kagato opened his right hand
and let the energy sword dissipate.

"Alright now I'll-" Getting low into a runner's crouch, Tenchi paused, and
then looked up at her tormentor. "Wait a second... Kagato?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why are you floating a couple inches off the ground?"

"Oh, that?" Kagato scratched the back of his head as though some
embarrassing part of his anatomy had been caught zipperless. "Well, you
see... I can fly."

"So this whole running thing is just to amuse you?"

"I promise to give you a head start," Kagato assured her. Sensing the
incredulous look from the young girl he balked. "Look, I'm being MORE then
fair here. Well, more fair then I've ever been before."

Tenchi sighed. Somehow, she got the feeling he was telling her the truth.
Her flight plan chosen, the tower having long since given her leave, she
took off.

True to his word, Kagato waited where he was... firing plasma blasts at her.

The young girl made it down the first flight of steps right before they
exploded in a shower of particles. Frantically, she picked up speed, nearly
taking the third flight in a fall. Tenchi scrambled to and through the door
of the nearest classroom.

"Hokay, hiding... hiding is good." Letting herself catch her breath, Tenchi
considered her options, ignoring some odd background noise.

Hmmmmm, there was run like hell and then there was... hmmm, ummm, damn. It
was a depressingly short list.

Carefully, she put her back to the wall and tried to peek around, checking
for clear coasts. It was then that her nose backed up what her ears had been
trying to convey. "Gas," she gasped, holding her nose. Looking around, she
spotted a broken pipeline, happily filling the room with enough fuel to
launch a magic school bus into orbit.

"Gotta get out of here."

"But we're having so much fun."

Tenchi turned to see Kagato grinning at her. There was little else to
comment on as it seemed only his face was in the room at the time. It was
like the young man's head was embedded in the wall. Then, his hands
appeared, followed by the rest of his body. The guy was pulling a Casper.

"Oh, so you can phase too, huh?" Tenchi grumped, exasperated.

"Well, yeah," Kagato answered, almost sounding hurt.

"You mind if I do the running thing again?"

"Humph, if you want," Kagato replied, leaning against a desk.

Tenchi crouched, facing the door. As an aside she asked, "But you're solid
now, right?"

"Hmmm? Yeah, yeah. Look, I hope this having powers thing isn't going to
become an issue."

"Not at the moment, no... oh, and did your whole body reform from that
shriveled mummy stage? I seem to remember you complaining about missing some
body parts," Tenchi observed.

"Yes, they've grown back as well... right now, I'm about as perfectly human
and fully formed as I get."

"Great," Tenchi replied, turning from the running crouch, she spun into a
nearby desk and shoved it as far into Kagato's nether regions as physics
would allow.

Kagato's green eyes grew, his face paled even more, and he doubled over,
having just experienced a sensation altogether new to him, and frankly... he
LOATHED it.

Tenchi ran.

It was a few moments before Kagato could string thoughts together into
cohesive ideas, let alone stand under his own power. "I... I can't believe
she did that... and they were so young... and untested. It's this sort of
thing that leads to trust issues later on in life. Fine, to hell with her,
I'm using the sword."

Energy came into being, it gathered, it focused.... it lit the gas.

BOOM!

Tenchi felt her chest... yep, still beating... she was alive. The school
room, however, would not qualify for an open casket funereal. Well, so much
for tall, dark and glowing. It was kind of sad; he probably had never
encountered a gas leak before, never would have known what hit him... well,
not counting her.

She felt a pang of guilt for balling him like that. If there was one thing
her father had taught her before passing away, it was that death by natural
gas and supernatural powers was bad, but getting hit in the groin
beforehand, well, that was plain wrong. Still, grandmother Aeka would have
most definitely been proud.

Clapping her hands together in silent prayer, she asked that his trip to the
next life be somewhat more pleasant... after all, "He was sort of a cutie."

"*Cough, cough*"

"Oh for the love of GODDESS... you're alive?"

"Of course, but they hurt like all hell," Kagato said, accusingly.

"I meant from the explosion."

"What? That? That was nothing, now you want to talk about gas explosions, I
was experimenting with this supernova and... hey, are you listening to me?"

Tenchi was currently standing in front of a hallway mirror, pulling a comb
from her backpack, and making a few adjustments. "Hmmmm? Yeah, sure... keep
on going."

"What are you doing? You look fine."

"Trust a guy to know what 'fine' looks like." Tenchi rearranged a few
follicles, then touched up what little make-up she had been allowed by her
mother.

Kagato cocked an eyebrow. "Ummm, I believe we were in the middle of
something."

"Yeah, I know, you go right ahead." The young woman applied a bit of gloss
to her lips, then turned to face the somewhat stupefied Kagato. "Is this too
smutty for a proper burial?"

"I dunno, I've never been to one... caused a lot of them, but I never seem
to find time to attend later and... wait a minute... why aren't you
running?"

Tenchi turned on the young man, with eyes aflame. "Because I'm sick of it...
I don't have a chance in hell and I'm not playing your stupid little game,
that's why. If you want to get out some pent up frustration, and brother,
you're about ready to pop, you'll just have to do it now and get it over
with. Basically... I... QUIT."

Kagato simply stood there... digesting.

"Soooo, you're just going to stand there, and let me kill you... is that
it?"

Tenchi nodded, folded her arms together and leaned against the wall. "Come
on baby and light my fire."

"Well then... I guess... I guess... " Kagato's gaze drifted to the ground,
he began cutting small images into the floor with his massive blade. Then,
an idea struck, lightning epiphaning the young man's cranial mass. "I guess
we'll just see, won't we."

Suddenly, the room lit up with the frantic buzzing of zombie fireflies.
Instead of congregating in Kagato's hand, they lazily drifted to the center
of the hallway, forming an ever-growing ball.

Curiosity getting the better of her, Tenchi ventured, "So... umm, whatcha
going to do?"

"Blow up the school... maybe the city, not sure yet."

"Oh, that's nice." Tenchi fiddled around with her skirt.

The sphere was now baseball-sized.

Kagato looked up at the young woman, sighing. "So, you're really not going
to run this time?"

"Nope, gonna stand right here."

The orb was now softball-sized.

"Fine, be that way... I can't believe you women. I mean... grand unification
theory, flightless avians included? Done. Building the better Unicrom trap?
No problem. But girls? Inscrutable!"

"You think boys are any easier? It starts with stick throwing and hair
pulling and ends with forgotten valentines days and I'll call you... really
I will."

The globe was now bowling ball-sized.

They both looked at it, then at each other... Kagato's face was
unreadable... Tenchi bit her lower lip.

The ball had just broken the breadbasket size barrier, and began to pick up
speed.

Tenchi had just made it over the chain-link fence when all hell broke
loose....

BA-DOOOOOOOOM!

School was out... forever...

"I believe I am glad you decided to run."

"Are you, now?" Tenchi squeezed her fingers through the chain, watching the
crater smoke.

There was nothing left... she had expected to see, well, leftovers. But
whatever Kagato had created, it had been simply too hungry, too gluttonous
to leave anything for mister manners. It was all gone... except the creator
himself... and a really big hole.

This had to stop.

"So, what else can you do?"

"It'd take an awfully long time to list, not even counting the superhuman
physical capabilities. At the core, I'm just you're standard spuer genius I
guess. Give me some duct tape, a random DNA strand and a paper plate and
I'll give you... well, it'd be five miles long, warp capable and smash
planets with its headlights."

"Oh, okay... well something you said earlier... it's kinda-"

"Just a sec, I'm writing that last idea down." Kagato paused his hands above
empty air, and then began to type. Multicolored lights sprang in response as
some translucent screen hovered before him. "There we go, Lexx... yeah,
that'll work. Alright, what were you saying?"

"Just about the whole blowing up the Earth thingy. I'm guessing it obstructs
your view of Venus?"

"Oh that, no, nothing like that." Kagato chuckled.

Tenchi breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, then maybe-"

"I'm destroying it on a whim really. Well, that and out of annoyance. It's
hard not to scratch an itch that had you buried and lifeless for over seven
hundred years."

"Tch," Tenchi tsked. "Fine then, Kagato... I challenge you."

Kagato stood there a moment, Tenchi knelt down and began fumbling around in
her backpack. "You what?"

"I'm challenging you. If I win, you promise not to let anything happen to
the planet in an earth-shattering kaboom capacity." Where was that thing?

"I... I don't know how to respond, you do realize that you have better
chance of being suddenly crowned Empress of the galaxy, right?"

"Yeah, pretty much. But hey, what have I got to lose? Besides, you haven't
killed me yet, and seem reluctant, so I'm guessing you want something...
right?" There it was.

"Well... yeah... sorta... I guess." Kagato seemed a little flabbergasted, he
didn't wear it well. "So, what do I get when I win?"

"What do you want?"

"I... I... don't know... nothing major I guess, seeing as how it's a forgone
conclusion." Kagato began melting images in the ground with his vorpal
armament again, thinking. "Maybe if you'd, ummmm, come with me."

"Huh? I didn't catch that last bit."

"I just said that I'd like you to come with me... ummm, after I blow up the
planet that is... as a... sorta companion... guinea pig... kinda... thingy."

"Fine," Tenchi asserted, standing, her hand still inside her backpack, not
really looking at Kagato.

"Really? Ahem, I mean, really... it's not like you have much of a choice or
anything. So, are you ready?"

"I guess... "

"Okay."

They stood there for a moment, looking at one another... the wind blew
between them...

"....so... ummmm, should I lunge again?"

"If you want."

"You're sorta unarmed."

"I'm a teenaged girl fighting a cosmically super powered madboy, I think
that's a given. Besides, I have an Ura." Tenchi gestured with her hand still
deep within her satchel.

"Well, okay then... " Kagato leaped, blade held high and flat... checking
the power a bit for a stunning blow.

It was then that he caught Tenchi's movement from the corner of his eye. She
had dropped her backpack and brought something new into the battle, aiming
it directly at Kagato's face. With a cry of triumph she yawlped, "AHA!"

...

...Kagato stood, floating in mid-air... Tenchi kept her same stance, hand
extended, something grasped tightly in her fingers... they smiled nervously
at one another... wind blew between them.

"Ummm, was something supposed to happen?"

"Well," Tenchi shook her head, "I thought it might. This is the mighty
weapon that the magical princess used to cleave you in twain because you
insulted her figure."

"Figure? Your ancestor HAD no figure."

"So that's where that random gene came from. Poor grandmother." Tenchi
scratched the back of her head with the wooden hilt, before bringing it back
into a ready stance. "Alright then, let's go."

"You still want to fight? With... that? It's just a rusty hunk of junk."

"Technically, I haven't lost anything. I still have the same chance I did
before." Tenchi shrugged.

"You had a hope at least... something... look, I've never had any qualms
about annihilating the unarmed, serves them right for bringing pitchforks to
a Death Star fight, but this just isn't right, drop the stick and let's talk
about this."

"No! I challenged you, and we're going to do this... have at you, villain!"
Tenchi lunged... had there been a blade to the hilt, it might have made some
effect.

"I refuse to 'air fence' with you. Put that oversized splinter down." Kagato
huffed.

"Engarde! For honor! For Valor!" Ha ho, hah, guard, turn, parry, spin,
thrust!

Kagato shook his head. With a hard, driving motion, he swiped his own blade
forward, aiming for the hilt. Maybe a disarm would bring the girl back to
reality.

Bzzzzz-swizh-CLANG!

"Clang?" Kagato looked up. Before him was his massive broad sword of energy,
perfectly parried by a glowing shard of blue. His eyes narrowed.

Tenchi smiled madly. "I told you! I TOLD you!"

"Yes, quite... well then." Kagato slashed hard, putting a bit of muscle to
the swing. It was blocked easily enough... had Tenchi a thousandth of the
strength of her adversary, she might have not flown across the field and
back into the fence. "Drop it girl. You're not ready for this, not for
real."

"You're probably right," Tenchi agreed, as she suddenly covered the distance
between the two with graceful, powerful steps. Her blade came down on
Kagato's own; her attacks didn't hold the strength of his assault, but they
came with a speed and ferocity that actually put the boy on the defensive.

Kagato stepped back, and readjusted his glasses. "Not... bad..."

"To be honest, it's not me." Another lunge cut off Kagato's reprieve, hard
and fast, never letting up for an instant. "This sword has a mind of its
own; it's serious about doing damage. If I had my own choice I don't think
I'd be trying to hurt a nice guy like you."

"Nice guy?" Their swords clashed, locking in a crackling affair as energy
scattered about the field. "Listen to me carefully, girl. I am NOT a nice
guy. I'm a monster, plain and simple. You'd do well to remember that."

"Monster? You could've killed me anytime since we met, probably taken out a
good chunk of real estate in the process. If I didn't know any better, I'd
say... you were flirting with me."

...silence... orrible, orrible, ilence... then...

"I am KAGATO!" The boy punctuated with a hard strike, nearly knocking the
charged stick of light from Tenchi's hand. "I am madness!" Another crushing
blow, drove her to her knees. "I am the destroyer!" Swiping to the side, he
drove the girl's sword arm wide and to the right. Then he took to the air,
spun his own weapon and pointed it downward for the kill.

"And I most certainly," he continued, eyes ablaze, floating in space, "do
not... FLIRT!"

He came down... hard!

Tenchi suddenly leaped forward and into his personal space, sweeping upwards
with her own weapon, in a wide arc, one that made sizzling, meaty contact
with a pair extended limbs. The two severed body parts dropped lifelessly to
the ground, white gloves and purple sleeves quivering where they fell.

Kagato continued his plummet, landing close to Tenchi, and getting lost in
dark brown eyes.

"Oh my god, I am SOOOOO sorry," Tenchi cried, dropping the still glowing
sword and suddenly embracing the young man.

For his part, Kagato simply stood there, unarmed, and stunned. She sure
smelled nice.

"We gotta get you to a hospital or something and... and..."

Suddenly, she was enfolded in a pair of strong hands, and found herself
pressed against his oddly cool flesh.

They stood like for a moment... then Kagato suddenly leapt back, as though
he had just been burned. "Ahem, don't worry about me. See? Good as new." He

showed the newly regrown limbs that had, just a moment ago, been wrapped
around her.

Tenchi wiped a tear away, and sniffled, "So you regenerate too. That's nice,
really... I'm happy for you."

"Be happy for you... you're the winner. I'm not going to blow up this grease
ball you call a homeworld."

"Thank you." She stepped forward, leaning on her toes, and brushed the cold
cheek of Kagato with her warm lips. This time, she was the one to skip back
on hot feet. "I- I'm sorry... "

Kagato felt his face, then leveled a gaze at the young girl that could have
pulverized a star system. "You... you should be."

The youth shook his head, and rubbed his eyes. "I really was down there too
long. Good night, Tenchi-hime... sweet dreams. I'll most likely kill you in
the morning."

With that, he disappeared, fading into nothingness, like a dream called due
to bladder failure, leaving her alone, standing before the smoking leftovers
of what had been her life.

Reality paused, let her soak in the moment. When it noticed that her
internal harddrive was choking on it, it gave a quick reboot in the form of
sirens.

"Crap, I gotta get home!" Shoving the hilt into her backpack, the young girl
ran for home, filing it all away under, 'stuff that happened that one night
I'm never going to talk about... EVER'.

There's nothing quite like surviving a life and death situation to make a
mother opt for homicide.

"Owie," Tenchi grumbled, rubbing sore spots and trudging up the stairs to
her bedroom. "Kagato was a hell of a lot nicer to me. Bet if he was here she
wouldn't do that." Opening the door to her room, she pulled down her skirt
and kicked it off with her left foot, harrumphing...

It wasn't till she was down to the third button of her blouse that she
noticed the young man floating two feet above her covers. He was minus a
shirt, with his arms folded over his chest, like some sort of trance. As she
approached, the pale young man rolled over, dropping his arms and exposing a
rather firm, taunt, chest. What really got her attention, as little oddities
tend to when the brain is experiencing terminal meltdown... were his pecs.

They seemed to be missing nipples....

Tenchi buried her head in her hands and began sniffling...

End OAV episode #1

Special Thanks to Gary Kleppe and Switch for some rather brutal prereading
that will hopefully be continued here. And of course, extra special thanks
to Seion for his wonderful idea and allowing me to play along!